Confidence

Well, it ain't braggin' if it's true
Yes sir, yes sir
It ain't braggin' if it's true
Muhammad Ali said that
Back when he was a young man
Back when he was Cassius Clay
Before he fought too many fights
And left his brain inside the ring
-from Dan Bern's song "Tiger Woods"
What is the line that connects and separates confidence, self esteem, honesty, ego, arrogance, showing off, jack assness?

I'm tired of writing posts filled with questions so even though I don't have perfect answers I will write what I feel. Hopefully with the input of my readers I'll learn something. Feel free to share your impressions with me. This is just how I see and relate to the various ideas. Furthermore, I'm only talking about them in relation to one-another and not as seprate concepts. So when I talk about honesty, for example, I am in no way talking about the entire topic of honesty, just that part of honesty which relates to the other words in this entry.

Confidence

External. Not a bad thing. Assurance in myself and my abilities. A general outlook on life and the feeling that with enough hard work and determination I can accomplish anything (or maybe certain things). Dangerous when taken to an extreme. Needs to be tempered by reality, context and other values.

Self Esteem

Internal. A feeling of wholeness and completeness with myself. Belief that I am a good person trying to improve myself and bring good into the world. A requirement, a basis, for almost anything I'd ever try doing in life. Without self esteem we are nothing. If we aren't comfortable and OK with who we are then we have nothing to give and end up relying too much on others' opinions.

Ego

Internal. Difficult to define. Not necessarily a bad thing. One step beyond self esteem. Needs to be worked on intensely so as to be put in perspective and not get out of hand. Tricky. On the one hand, I'm not sure if I'd want to be described as someone with an ego. But, on the other hand, I feel like maybe I want a girl I'd describe as having an ego.

Honesty (not in general, which I find sexy)

External. Honesty exists outside of all of the above words. It is difficult to achieve and sometimes surprising to encounter. Honesty is everything. I have ambitions and perceptions of myself and others but honesty is different - it is the attempt to communicate "reality" and not "perception." This is tough for me to define since all I have is my perception of reality, not "absolute reality." And even just observing reality changes the reality. So how can I ever really be honest? For that reason, honesty is a quality to strive for, it is an ingredient to try to include in every word and thought I say and have. Hopefully its a big ingredient in everything, that's the goal. But because of my difficulty with "true" honesty, misunderstandings are never far behind. I can be completely honest yet come across, or fear that I'm coming across, as bragging. That's why I included the quote above - is it bragging if its true? Isn't there a difference between honesty and bragging? There should be. I don't like being called arrogant when I say something true.

Arrogance

External. Equivalent to pride, showing off. Deals with non-material things such as accomplishments and over-confidence toward things. Not a good or admirable quality in anyone. Always need to be sure ego and honesty don't lead to arrogance. I usually worry myself about being arrogant when discussing work and my past experiences/accomplishment. Is it arrogant to write an "about me" page such as the one in my journal right here? When I'm worried about being arrogant or showing off I usually use the phrase "being a jack ass." To me, jack assness is showing off.