Would Everyone Please Stop Annoying Me?

You with a sense of humor, Eric, you are not funny. Your father with a sense of humor, Mr. Bretholz, your father is not funny. Your girlfriend with a sense of humor, Talia, your girlfriend is not funny. Your best friend with a sense of humor, Dave, your best friend is not funny. That girl you want to introduce me to with the sense of humor, D, that girl is not funny. Your corner grocery store owner with a sense of humor, Sambas, your grocer is not funny.

People! People! People! We're living in a society here! A little decorum is all I ask for! How about putting a little thought into the words we tend to use with such disregard?

No one should ever say that anyone else has a sense of humor. It simply isn't a descriptor we should ever use. Do you ever say someone has a sense of smell? Have you ever called up a friend after a hot date and said the guy had a sense of hearing? Ever been attracted to a girl's ability to feel fabric with her fingers? How often do you get excited when your friend tastes something?

My point is that the sense of humor is equivalent to the other senses - seeing, hearing, smelling, feeling and tasting. Possessing any of these senses is not a cause for excitement or special attention. Having them is not something that can make someone more attractive or desirable.

They should only be mentioned when absent. As in, "Hey, Tony, I just met this chick who is pretty cool but, you'll never believe it, she can't smell!" Or, "Hey, Bobby, I want you to use my second cousin's barber, I just hope its ok with you that he can't hear, so you'll have to mime how you want your hair cut." Or, "Hey, Lindsey, I know you really want to get married and have kids but no guy finds you attractive because of your complete lack of a sense of humor so I'd like to introduce you to another guy who, believe it or not, also doesn't have a sense of humor."

See what I mean? It is a sad thing to not posses one of these senses. Therefore, it is acceptable and preferable to point out their absence when describing people. However, possessing them all is not an achievement worthy of mention and in no way makes someone more attractive.

Now that you understand what I'm saying we can try to figure out why the term "sense of humor" has become so misused. The problem is that when an idiot friend of ours says "Jose has a sense of humor" the idiot really means to say "Jose is funny."

Since when does being able to sense something actually MAKE you that thing? Being able to taste the difference between a good and bad piece of steak doesn't make me a piece of steak. Let's forget about the concept of "you are what you eat" for the purposes of this rant. Ok, smart ass?! You are NOT what you sense.

You can enjoy music without being a good musician and you can feel fine silk while having horrible skin and you can sense humor even though you can't be funny if your life depended on it (too bad it doesn't), you're not funny (you aren't!), you have never said a funny thing in your life on purpose (you haven't!) and you will never be funny (you won't!).

Leave it to the professionals. Go on with your pathetic existence. Pursue your petty hobbies and meaningless life but please, for the love of all that is sacred in this world, stop using the phrase "sense of humor" to refer to the Talent of Humor. You disgrace the skill with your unfunny aura of unfunniness.