I want a girl who:

• Spends more time getting ready in the morning that I do.
  
• Uses more products on her face and body than I do.
  
• Spends more money at the hair stylist than I do.
  
• Spends less time doing her hair than I do.
  
• Wears jeans less often than I do.
  
• Owns more pairs of shoes than I do.
  
• Knows how to apply makeup (doesn't have to use it everyday, just know how to).
  
• Knows how to iron (I do).
  
• Knows how to do the laundry (I do).
  
• Knows how to cook better than I do (and I do).
  
• Is tolerant of drinking.
  
• Gets embarrassed occasionally.
  
• Feels shy about certain issues.
  
• Cares about trying to understand herself.
  
• Is stable and self-sufficient.
  
• Has an apartment.
  
• Works at a real job (not a transitional one).
  
• Isn't in the midst of, just on the cusp of or just getting over a major change in her life.
  
• May have some "baggage" (as any adult who's been through anything has) but is able to deal with it and not let it negatively affect interactions with potential partners.
  
• Doesn't hold potential partners to blame for the actions of past partners.
  Doesn't try to change me.
  
• Accepts me for who I am, understands who I want to be and wants to be a part of the journey.
  
• Knows where she is and wants to be in life and is emotionally ready to let someone be a part of her journey.

The above list can be boiled down to describing:

• Someone who is feminine, takes care of herself and cares about how she presents herself to the world.
• Someone who spends time thinking about the universe, herself and important things.
• Someone who is stable in life and deals with her baggage in a mature way.
• Someone who is self-aware enough to know who she is, what she wants and is ready to commit to a shared journey.

After writing all of that it's obvious that I'm dreaming. Anyone can write a list of attributes they want in a perfect mate. Sometimes people lie to themselves and sometimes we just don't know what we want from life or a partner. We come up with lists and bemoan not finding our perfect match.

Will the girl I end up with be anything like the above list? Probably not. In fact, she may be nothing like the list. How will I know I want to be with her if she doesn't match the criteria I'm supposedly looking for? Well, because I don't think we can really know what we want, what we need or what would be good or right for us. Those are all different things and so much comes down to timing. For example, after a difficult break-up the last thing you want is what you need. You want what you want but if you got what you need you wouldn't be mentally ready to accept it. Does that make any sense?

Last night I experienced another entry into my recent series of overly literal dream. I dreamt I was in the movie Gattaca, playing the role of Ethan Hawke. For those that don't know, the movie is set in a future where people can basically order babies off of a menu and a person's genetic code dictates what he can be in life, who his friends are and what he'll do.

Here I am, trying to build the model of a perfect mate and have a dream about a movie where people do exactly that. Dating by genetics isn't fun. It's sad, unpredictable and boring.

So none of this can really be what I want. Maybe I'd reject a girl who came into my life with all the qualities listed above? My idealistic and naive list above is some sort of goal, it's what I think I want. It's what I aspire to find but the girl I will decide to settle down with won't be like any of that. She'll spark something in side of me that will make me realize the one or two points above that are truly important. Or maybe I don't even know enough to list her qualities.

How little we know. How very, very little we know. We don't even know what we don't know, that's how little we know. And then arrogance enters the equation and we think we know more than we do. We start to be sure we know what we don't. We then get angry when people imply we don't fully know everything about ourselves. Then we close ourselves off to learning, growing and possibly even knowing more and understanding better. Oh what sad, sad, uninspired and arrogant lives we lead.