I've gone from imagining what the perfect girl would be like to reconciling myself with the impossibility of ever meeting her.

Or have we met?

Did we have an encounter? A change glance at a bar? A bump on the way to the bathroom? Did I ever order a drink from her at a bar? Did we spend one night together, not realizing the potential of what we had?

Or was it more? Was it someone I had known for a while but fell out of touch with. Is it someone I still know? Someone currently in my life?

Where are the signs, the signals, the unspeakable impulses and instincts? Does my stubbornness blind me from basic human emotions to the point where all I'm left with are the platitudes of friends and inspiration from music lyrics?

I don't have to think
I only have to do it
The results are always perfect
And thats old news
-The Meat Puppets

I'm sure when I started this blog, over 5 years ago, I thought I was an adult. I thought I was writing things of value to myself and others. Now I think about myself more, writing what I feel, no matter how the meaning of what I write is lost on most. I'm no longer that kid who's afraid to talk to a girl in a bar or say what he really thinks. I'll no longer just be nice to someone because they're nice to me or date someone just because I'm bored or horny.

Where is that ultimate love? Is all we'll ever have together that one picture we took? That one smile we shared? That one weekend we had in Paris or the one class we shared together in college? Will we encounter each other again when the timing is better? So much about life relies on timing. Will I be single? Will you? Will it have been a bad day for one of us and we'd close down, unable to recognize what's starring us in the face? Will we find creative solutions to what separates us?

Will we even realize the potential?

Sadly, no, we won't. We'll have our day-jobs, our families, our careers, our friends. We'll indulge in what we'll think is important. We'll blind ourselves to whatever is outside of our comfort zone. We'll shun the greatest thing that good have happened, turn back to our friends, and bemoan the fact that true love doesn't exist.

We'll wonder when "it" will happen even as we ignore it.

And having understood that, let me say I'm sorry.

It was nice knowing you.

I'm sure.

I assume.