Maybe it is time I dated an idiot?

Some friends may think that I've dated idiots in the past but I disagree. Some were patently insane, some selfish, some pretentious, some petty, some superficial, but none were idiots. There were really hot ones, those only I thought were attractive and those plain ones with the great personality, but none were idiots.

Maybe it is time I dated an idiot?

Over the course of writing this blog I've often dreamed of what I'd find in a mate, exactly what will happen, or the mistakes I'd make once I do find her. I've even listed every possible trait I'd want her to have. But I've never boiled things down so plainly as I am right now.

Maybe it is time I dated an idiot?

I get a lot of intellectual stimulation from my close friends. My work provides an ample enough outlet for drive and ambition. I have hobbies that allow me to enjoy life in a more rounded way. I make time for the few non-profit causes that are close to my heart. When it comes to finding a mate, my standards have always been too high. While I certainly don't want a "female me," I have been looking for someone well-rounded enough (metaphorically, not literally) to share my life with. And I've been disappointed time and again.

Maybe it is time I dated an idiot?

She won't challenge me. She won't annoy me. She'll be passive and placid. Whatever I want to do will be ok as long as I remain considerate. She'll fill her time with comparison shopping for perfumes and looking pretty. When I talk about work I'll be reminded that it bores her and that we should stick to what was on The Superficial that day. My friends will love hanging out with us and, although we'll be sensitive to public displays of affection, we will spend a lot of quality naked time together doing things like trying new combinations of Jelly Bellies. Maybe she'll make me get in shape and help insure my hair and fashion styles are always current enough to impress the colleagues in Los Angeles. She'll be my absolute escape from all the things I find annoying about the world and will indulge all my idiosyncrasies. We'll have to get a cute little dog and I'll finally abandon my distaste for baby talk. She'll be the cutest and most serious pregnant woman you'll ever see and our children, Riley, Apple and Ashton will be the most loved, pampered and healthy kids ever. Their friends will always want to come over to our house on Rothschild Boulevard in central Tel Aviv to be near the hottest MILF on the block. We'll take those packaged "old people adventures" together and be in love until the day we die.